1 month ago
Thursday, November 6, 2008
He has been begging, really begging, "to die."
He can't bear the thought of waiting everyday to know he's life is one step closer to ending.
Even though we are all one step closer everyday to death, he sits on is couch daily, refusing to do anything other than sit and watch tv, with the knowledge that cancer all over is killing him. He can feel the tumor in his lung, and cancer everywhere else does unkind things to a man who worked his whole life. He worked until 2 months ago, everyday. He's 82 or 83 depending on what dayit is. I had the pleasure of seeing everyday for the last 6 1/2 years at work. And now he has sentenced himself to sit and wait for death to come.
Yesterday, Hospice suggested Christmas, if he was Lucky. He asks everyone, everyday, "when am I going to die."My Dad told me this news, and in his true fashion he followed it up with "hey, no big deal, he knew it was coming." He didn't say this with malice or without thought, it's how it operates - It is what it is.
My response was, "well, it matters to him, now he has an expiration date!" My father, dear man that he is, who says when he dies, he wants a tombstone that says "here I lay, upside down so the whole world can kiss my ass." Or alternatively when he thinks he might want to be cremated, he says "what the hell, crispy critter me." Laughed at the thought of an expiration date, the kind of laugh where you have to hold yourself up or the world may crash down on you.
See Cancer gramps thing has always been "check the code" - The expiration date for food. Routinely at Cancer Gramps house you hear, "you better check the code" I don't want to get sick, you've never seen what it's like trying to get 10 lbs of shit into a 5 lb bag." (Don’t know if I've mentioned before Cancer Gramps has a colostomy and has for 20 some odd years due to colon cancer, so for him it is literally trying to put 10 lbs into a 5 lbs bag).
So it has happened, my dearly loved CancerGramps has received his kind expiration date.
My heart breaks
He can't bear the thought of waiting everyday to know he's life is one step closer to ending.
Even though we are all one step closer everyday to death, he sits on is couch daily, refusing to do anything other than sit and watch tv, with the knowledge that cancer all over is killing him. He can feel the tumor in his lung, and cancer everywhere else does unkind things to a man who worked his whole life. He worked until 2 months ago, everyday. He's 82 or 83 depending on what dayit is. I had the pleasure of seeing everyday for the last 6 1/2 years at work. And now he has sentenced himself to sit and wait for death to come.
Yesterday, Hospice suggested Christmas, if he was Lucky. He asks everyone, everyday, "when am I going to die."My Dad told me this news, and in his true fashion he followed it up with "hey, no big deal, he knew it was coming." He didn't say this with malice or without thought, it's how it operates - It is what it is.
My response was, "well, it matters to him, now he has an expiration date!" My father, dear man that he is, who says when he dies, he wants a tombstone that says "here I lay, upside down so the whole world can kiss my ass." Or alternatively when he thinks he might want to be cremated, he says "what the hell, crispy critter me." Laughed at the thought of an expiration date, the kind of laugh where you have to hold yourself up or the world may crash down on you.
See Cancer gramps thing has always been "check the code" - The expiration date for food. Routinely at Cancer Gramps house you hear, "you better check the code" I don't want to get sick, you've never seen what it's like trying to get 10 lbs of shit into a 5 lb bag." (Don’t know if I've mentioned before Cancer Gramps has a colostomy and has for 20 some odd years due to colon cancer, so for him it is literally trying to put 10 lbs into a 5 lbs bag).
So it has happened, my dearly loved CancerGramps has received his kind expiration date.
My heart breaks
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