1 month ago
Monday, November 3, 2008
I will be turning 30 shortly and I must say it feels....... distant, unfinished, unnecessary.
I am not hung up on the "30" aspect, I could care less about age, 30 feels no different than 29, just like 28 felt no different than 29. I think my unrest comes from feeling less and less satisfied with my life and more and more concerned I'm not sure what to do to fix it.
Maybe it's partly because I haven't accomplished what I thought I would by this age and partly because I feel I have already accomplished much and don't know where to go from here. Don't ask me what it is I haven't accomplished that I thought I would, I don't know, it just feels that my life is somehow....... undone. Not undone as in is incomplete, but undone like a shoelace you keep tripping on.
If my life were the shoe, completely new and shiny, and with all the hope a new shoe brings, the shoelace would always be undone, tripping me up and flopping around without concern for the disaster it causes. So you never really notice the shoe, its' fine looking self, all you notice is the ugly stepchild of a shoelace.
I feel as if there is a shoe weighing over my head and ready to drop at any instant, my whole life I've felt as if I am waiting for the other shoe to drop, and each time a shoe does drop I KNOW there is one who is completely thrilled to take its place. Like a never ending pez dispenser of shoes ready to drop.
So yes, I am turning 30, no fan fair please, unless you somehow got the cliff notes for my life from God. If that is the case I'm throwing one hell of a party and you are all invited.
I am not hung up on the "30" aspect, I could care less about age, 30 feels no different than 29, just like 28 felt no different than 29. I think my unrest comes from feeling less and less satisfied with my life and more and more concerned I'm not sure what to do to fix it.
Maybe it's partly because I haven't accomplished what I thought I would by this age and partly because I feel I have already accomplished much and don't know where to go from here. Don't ask me what it is I haven't accomplished that I thought I would, I don't know, it just feels that my life is somehow....... undone. Not undone as in is incomplete, but undone like a shoelace you keep tripping on.
If my life were the shoe, completely new and shiny, and with all the hope a new shoe brings, the shoelace would always be undone, tripping me up and flopping around without concern for the disaster it causes. So you never really notice the shoe, its' fine looking self, all you notice is the ugly stepchild of a shoelace.
I feel as if there is a shoe weighing over my head and ready to drop at any instant, my whole life I've felt as if I am waiting for the other shoe to drop, and each time a shoe does drop I KNOW there is one who is completely thrilled to take its place. Like a never ending pez dispenser of shoes ready to drop.
So yes, I am turning 30, no fan fair please, unless you somehow got the cliff notes for my life from God. If that is the case I'm throwing one hell of a party and you are all invited.
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