I'm Working On It

Last night we were at a hockey game and I was looking forward to the violence (i never want anyone permanently injured) and mayhem that generally come along with hockey.

I noticed at one point that my drink had fallen over and was slowly encroaching on the gentleman 2 seats down. I let him know my drink was headed his was and said I was sorry. His response was "it's touching me." I said again that was sorry and realized the rest of the row we were in was empty and I was going to make a recommendation he move down until I could get it cleaned up and he interrupted me to tell me the drink was now migrating south to the row below us. I AGAIN said I was sorry and I saw there was roughly 1 1/2 minutes left in the period. I stated then that I would go at the end of the period and either find towels myself or get someone to clean it up.

As a side note in hockey it's basically a sin to move during the period. The ushers don't even allow people to go to their seats from the concourse while the team is playing, they must wait for a stoppage in play.

My assessment of the situation at this point is: the drink fell over, got close to a gentleman two seats over, contrary to his statement (it's touching me", it hasn't touched him and is not in danger of touching him, because it's draining down to the row in front of us (where no one is in danger either). There's a minute left and I have said I would get the situation taken care during the break and have apologized THREE times.

He's getting really agitated, abnormally so, and I say again I will go in what's now 45 secs and I'm sorry. He says (i am 99% sure, it was a hockey game, they're loud) "I don't believe you."

WTF?! I don't believe you? really? are you kidding me?! A - it's a hockey game, not the opera, he had sneakers on, B- IT DIDN'T actually touch him, C- he could have moved 20 feet away without a problem, D - there's maybe 45 secs left on the clock which translates to perhaps a minute at which point I said I get the cleanup done, E - our seats are 4 rows from the ice, meaning a hell of a long way from the top of the stairs, F - cardinal sin of hockey is getting up during the action and finally G- I said I was sorry FOUR times!!! You don't believe me? JACK ASS

He gets increasingly more agitated and gets up, says something under his breath and leaves. The period ends maybe 30 sec later. My husband goes up to do the Clean up on aisle 3 routine, come to find out the JACK ASS had already complained about it. A nice man comes down and cleans up the drink, I thank him and apologize profusely.

Jackass doesn't come back for the 2 period, I figured he had left to clean his shoes because he was so upset. He shows back up for the 3rd period and INSPECTS the clean up work. INSPECTS IT!!! States there is still some drink there that needs to be cleaned up!!? It's now like an hour later, anything that was there has long since dried. I glance at him and give him a look that clearly says "give me a friggin break."

Okay, perhaps I should have jumped up immediately and screamed for a medic to get down there and clean it up. Or sprinted up the stairs from the land of near ice to the land of far the f away from the ice and demanded zorro come out of the wood work and hop to it, all while committing the cardinal sign of moving during play action. Or maybe I should have taken off my shirt and mopped it up in just my bra. Don't get me wrong someone has a heart attack, gets hit with a puck, there's a fight, or someone has a seizure, I'm not waiting for a stop in play action. But.... this.... was.... a..... spilt.....drink..

Phases of the evening: "it's touching me," and "I don't believe you." Courtesy of Jackass. HIT HIM harder - Courtesy of me.

Many, many months ago, when the stock market started to head south, we had a spirited debate in our offices about the direction of the country. My opinion was not popular, but I held to it. Everyone said I was crazy, there is no way the US would do what I thought. Here are my thoughts:

1. The government will at the very least make significant headway in nationalizing banks, if not succeed.
2. The government will attempt to intervene in big business, through take overs, increased taxes etc.
3. The government will attempt to save those who bought homes they couldn't afford, while leaving those who played by the rules out in the snow.
4. The government will attempt to institute nationalized health care
5. The government will attempt to remove guns from the people
6. The government will raise taxes on the "rich" forgetting that most small businesses are s-corps meaning the income from the business is placed on the individuals income.
7. Those of us who have played by the rules: work hard, pay our bills, will not get the benefit of that work, proportionate to our work in relation to those who get benefits without work or playing by the rules.
8. The government will increase its aim of redistributing wealth by increasing benefits for a certain segment of the popular and increase taxes on another
9. The movement of "illegal immigrants" will increase strain on our borders and probably result in increased violence and turf wars.
10. If the US is not careful we will lose even more of our quality of life due to policies and inflation
11. The US is quickly headed to a socialist state.

Many of the things I listed haven't come to pass and I would prefer that none of them ever did, however, many of them are happening.

Before my grandfather passed I was charged with keeping his check book. Not the smartest choice for you Gramps, I stated. I haven't balanced my own checkbook in (and this is embarrassing) in over 8 years. I do balance my business checking account but the accounting software is almost idiot proof. Well, almost. I have been known to make a few errors.


Grandpa did his accounting the old school way: a tin box that had the following in it - a calculator that could have easily been from the 1950's, a pen from roughly the same time period, tape, envelopes, checks. He never counted cents, he has, he told me for a very long long time, rounded up or down to the nearest dollar. Huh? What kind of system is this? He said "it's my book and that's how we do it." Okey dookey, you say so.


I did it his way and I must admit it's a heck of a lot easier rounding up or down, until the statement comes. Now I'm a person, I like to know to the penny what I have, with his system you just make sure the check cleared for about the correct amount. It was a disaster. I gave myself an ulcer worrying if it was close enough and what if and how come and, and, and....... so on and so on.

Finally I chucked his system, and found out his way was a good way to save yourself money. He was off my a large amount, in his favor, so he had an automatic emergency fund. Who knew.... geez gramps was smart!

Anyway, now that he's passed I am paying all the final bills and what not. He had many bills paid by direct debit right out of his account. Have you ever tried to stop one of those? Have you ever tried to stop one when the account holder is dead? Good Luck, and I mean that whole hearted, good luck.

1st of all you're not on the account, so they don't want to talk to you, 2nd of all they don't care if the account holder is dead, 3rd of all until you tell them they will not be receiving a dime, they will not even entertain the thought of giving you any information and finally when you state you need to stop a direct debit, the wheels fall off the train. See my convo below, I've embellished a bit because without the ability to give voice tone on this blog, you can't really fathom the stupidity:

Me - I need to stop the direct debit payment portion on the account

Them - We have to speak with the account holder to do that

Me - As I explained he passed away in mid feb.

Them - I understand that ma'am, but we must speak with him in order to make changes

Me- He's dead, do you propose we hold seance to reach him?

Them - Ma'am it's up to you how you reach him, but we must speak with him to make changes on the account

Me- I don't think you understand me (I am still calm by the way, shocking I know), he...... is..... dead.... as in not breathing, not eating........ crispy crittered..... cremated.....you know..... dead?

Them- I understand he's dead ma'am however we cannot make any changes without speaking with him.

Me- Would a death certificate be sufficient?

Them- Sure, however he must present it in person, so it would be best if you could just have him call us

Me- are you really this stupid, really? He's dead, he can't possible show up in person anywhere because he's burned into ashes and placed in an urn next to his wife, whose also dead and their dead dog.

Them- there's no reason to get graphic ma'am, I understand he's dead, however in order to make changes we must speak with him

Me- I swear to god, you are the dumbest, most idiotic, retard I have ever spoken to in my life, and if you know my life you would know that makes you a HUGE retard- let me speak to your supervisor

Them- Ma'am we are not to spoken to in that manner

Me- How do you propose I speak to a jackass, who evidently is unable to understand dead means a person is incommunicado, dead means they are not on this earth any more, dead means dead, and your asking me to speak to a dead man means you are DUMB ASS, put your GD supervisor on the f'in phone.

Them - Supervisor blah blah here. I understand you are being abusive to my employee

Me - your employee wants me to put a dead man on the phone and demands that the dead man bring in his own death certificate, so yes I'm a bit annoyed

Them - I can understand your distress however we have our policies and as my employee told you the account holder must be present to make changes

Me- Fine the account holder is located at (and I gave them the address for the cemetery) Please send all correspondence there.

Them- Lovely, i have updated that address, we will send all further bills there. How long do you think it will take him to respond.

Me- Oh, um... he's dead and your sending the mail to a cemetery so he should respond extremely promptly for a dead man.

Them - oh wonderful. Thank you and Have a good day.

Me- you are a complete f'in moron, have a good day.

Now, i took some literally license, but that's the basics of it.

So after that debacle, I call the bank to see if I can stop the automatic debits that way. I am on the bank account so they had no trouble giving me any info. i asked if I can stop automatic debits. She says yes they place a hold on the account, but the account will be charge $30 each time one comes through and it's denied. I explain why i need to have the automatic debits not go through on the account and ask again, if there is any other option.

Them -I'm sorry ma am but no there's not.

Me- this is exactly why banks are failing, You guys suck. A man has died, the accounts he has automatically debited will not speak with me, because I'm not on those accounts, and your telling me it will cost $30 each time one is returned, correct?

Them- Yes that's correct, unfortunately there's nothing else I can do

Me - then close the account

Them - Oh we don't want to lose your business

Me- then stop the automatic debits without the $30 fee

Them - I'm sorry we can't do that

Me - Close the account

Them - then the auto debits will simply be returned and all those accounts will be left unpaid

Me- yep that's right, close the account

Them- I'm sorry I can't close the account without both people on the account consent

me- For the love of sweet baby jane - the other account holder is dead, can i bring in a death certificate?

Them- no, both people must appear in person

me- HE'S DEAD, DEAD DEAD DEAD, how do want me to bring him in? Shall I break into the cemetery have him dis- interned and then bring in the urn? HE'S DEAD.

Them- I'm sorry for your lose however we have our policies......

Then I hung up
This is why people go crazy, complete bat shit crazy, this is "going postal" material

I finally went to the back where a wonderful woman told me then can freeze the account so nothing can be debited from the account only deposits can be made. I then inquired about closing the account. She said only one account holder is needed and as long as I close the account with in 2 months of the persons death it's not a problem.

Hallelujah.

Today, my longest and dearest friend had her first child!!! I was overwhelmed with joy for them. All the new newness, the baby goodness, the just plain wonderfulness. My friend lives in another state but it was all I could to not drive over and see this precious new bundle.

I have the feeling the cloud that has followed my family for a good while now has perhaps spent itself of all the rain it gould muster and now hopefully we will be left to bask in the sun of new days.

Another Ode to CancerGramps, I miss him. I read this to him when he was still fairly well. He howled with laughter.


May those who love us, love us;
and those who don't love us,
may God turn their hearts;
and if He doesn't turn their hearts,
may he turn their ankles
so we'll know them by their limping.

In honor of CancerGramps who never said goodbye, who always said "Gotta get to it."

An Irish Funeral Prayer
by Henry Scott Holland


Death is nothing at all.
It does not count.
I have only slipped away into the next room.
Everything remains as it was.
The old life that we lived so fondly together is untouched, unchanged.
Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.
Call me by the old familiar name.
Speak of me in the easy way which you always used.
Put no sorrow in your tone.
Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes that we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was.
Let it be spoken without effort.
Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same as it ever was.
There is unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am but waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just around the corner.
All is well.
Nothing is hurt; nothing is lost.
One brief moment and all will be as it was before.
How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting, when we meet again.

I walked into CancerGramps' house today, and I thought, This is a whole life. A whole life lived here and this is what's left. I'm not sure I am conveying that I mean,,..... I don't mean the stuff, the material items.... I mean the life, the laughter, the stories, the moments.... a whole life.

A whole life that is gone now. I have never before been hit so hard by death. I have had relatives pass, close relatives, but never before have I sat on the side of the road crying at a loss, or cried in bed at night etc.

Today we placed him in the "wall" (an area where people who have been cremated can have their own piece of the wall to be interned it) at the cemetery or the "cem" as CancerGramps and Buddha boy referred to it. Buddha Boy would always say "Gotta head to the Cem, see Grandma, talk with her and see Chad too." And CancerGramps would say, "Yep, gotta get to it." and they were off to the "cem."

I always ask Buddha Boy if Grandma ever said anything, he always says no, she's busy. And why they visited Chad I have no idea. Chad was not known by our family, he was a young boy who died and was buried in a small enclosure of his own. CancerGramps and Buddha Boy visited him religiously.

On the way to the cem, i was driving, and a person in front of me was taking their sweet arse time changing lanes and I said "in homage to grandpa, move it along crip." My husband laughed and asked what "crip" was. It was a reference to the handicap sticker the person possessed, grandpa always called it a "crip stick." He always stated he never wanted "one of those crip sticks," no matter how frail he had gotten. My husband was laughing and saying it was such a horrible thing to say, but he could see him saying that.

We got to the cem and my father and mother were walking out with the urn and I started laughing and crying at the same time. Dad was carrying the urn much like a football, cradled safely yet inordinately exposed. And was wondering if cancergramps dog was in the urn. His 14 year old miniature poodle's health declined just as Cancergramps did. I understand it is expressly forbidden to place animal remains with humans (which I don't get ashes are ashes right, and if you want to be buried with your pet ...... whatever). My Dad can be sneaky like that, shifty, slight of hand to put them together. He says he didn't, put them together, and I believe him but I have my suspicions as to whether or not she got her own little box and hidden behind grandma when the cem man wasn't looking.

Grandpa wanted no service, and we honored that, my father placed the urn in the wall next to the BOX my grandmother, to whom my grandpa had been with since he was 20 years old to the day she died in 2001. And my Dad stopped cold. He said if he had known grandpa went cheap on grandma he would have just gotten a box instead of the fancy urn. He started to laugh and we recalled how it took grandpa forever to get ready, and how he would have liked to have one up on Grandma. Here he was in a fancy urn and he got her a simple black box. We talked about how grandpa lived and loved life. There were very few tears. I was just as grandpa would have wanted.

I found a poem that I felt fit what I believe grandpa would have said when he passed, but we didn't read it, perhaps I'll post it here one day.

And life goes on... one foot and then another..... It just keeps going on.

I wish a was a writer. A person blessed with the ability to make you see the sunset on a slightly foggy afternoon, or hear the lullaby of love a mom sings to her child. I wish I was a writer so that I may be able to explain who my cancergramps was, really let people know.



there are no words, well none that i can currently string together to fully encapsulate him.



And now he's gone. Thankfully.



In the past month, when cancergramps was quite literally wasting away, I prayed to God for him to die. For God to take him quickly so he didn't have to suffer the indignities that death brings. He died the way he didn't want to die, wasting away. He had lost so much weight, so much. He was thin in a way I have only ever seen in pictures of the holocaust. He wasn't in physical pain, but he was in anguish over wasting away. He couldn't really speak, except to say wa for water and pee, for well, peeing. Otherwise it was just a string of small sounds that I could never really make out. I was struck that even at the end, when there is very little left your body has instincts to keep you alive.

And I prayed for death to come. I felt like I was somehow betraying God and cancergramps in praying for death. Seems like such an unGodLike thing to pray for - Death, merciful death. Yet this is what I prayed for, for day, weeks and what turned out to be months. I know it's all God's time. I know, I just hoped I had some ...... something.

CancerGramps died on February 16th, 2009 at 2:15pm, 2 days after my father's birthday.

I miss him more than I could ever explain. There just aren't words, at least none that I am qualified to use to explain the depth at which I miss him.

I picked up the phone he used in our office the day after he died. I did it absentmindedly, it was the phone I was closest to, and I receiver smelt just like CancerGramps. He had a very distinctive cologne he wore and I sat down in the chair, didn't pick up the line, even when it madly beeped at me, I just sat. It's odd how a smell can cause you to relive so much, so quickly. I never did pick up the line and we found an entire drawer of that cologne, I think 8 bottles, in his bathroom. Good lord he must have been collecting them every time it was on sale. I don't even know where bought it at, I didn't recognize it.

I miss him.

This peice is called "The 10 cannots" it is often attributed to Abraham Lincoln. I'm not sure who said it first but I concur with the whole list of 10.

1. You cannot bring about prosperity by discouraging thrift.

2. You cannot strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.

3. You cannot help the poor man by destroying the rich.

4. You cannot further the brotherhood of man by inciting class hatred.

5. You cannot build character and courage by taking away man's initiative & independence.

6. You cannot help small men by tearing down big men.

7. You cannot lift the wage earner by pulling down the wage payer.

8. You cannot keep out of trouble by spending more than your income.

9. You cannot establish security on borrowed money.

10. You cannot help men permanently by doing for them what they will not do for themselves.

Or OCto- Mom......What a name by the way.

Yesterday evening, after I watched all the crap TV that is so near and dear to my heart, I wondered onto Ann Curry and Octo mom.

Octo Momma has a serious dysfunction, well realistically probably several. I'll go into fits of convulsions if i talk about the fact that these children will be raised a single Mom, of her own choice. I'm not thrilled with the single mom by choice jig, but I'm absolutely against single mom by choice for 14 kids.

If you're widowed or abused or your significant other is in some other fashion indecent to have around kidos - bid him/her good riddance. But if that's the case you'll (theoretically) get child support, meaning help to pay for the kiddos, hopefully the other parent will still play a role in their lives. This lady purposely goes out and has 14 kids without a job or a way to pay for their expenses. That's crazy!!

You are setting you kids up for a very tough life. And don't give me that crap about love is all kids need. Hell to the no!!! As I once told my husband - baby love doesn't put food on the table or a roof over our head and in the words of Tina Turner, "what's love got to do with it." Basic needs is what I'm talking about!!!

Absolutely irresponsible to have kids without a way to support them. Totally different if you started out with a job and then lose it, you had a job, this lady doesn't even have a job. And her craptastic excuse that she will no longer have to take welfare when she's working?!! I don't know what kind of job she's getting in the counseling field, but I'm about to send her an email to find out. If you can get a job to pay for the expenses of 14 kids in the counseling field, when you are just starting out, I want to know what it is!!!

Anyway - I told you I'd go into fits......... She seems to be really misinformed about what constitutes welfare. She IS on welfare - disability, medi Cal, food stamps, day care at a CA university - all welfare by a different name, subsidized by you and me. (well a lot more you if you live in CA) On the disability tip, how was she physically able to carry 8 babies when she was deemed physically unable work at a fairly sedentary job? WTF? And if she could work before, how is she going to work now?? Help me out here... Now I have not had the honor of birthing anything, but my friends tell me, pregnancy is like a beautiful disaster. People who carry one can have a tough time, this chick bore 8, and while she was on bedrest for a few months, her back apparently wasn't a problem.

She receives welfare for 2 of her kids too..... I will say it again, some people need help some of the time, this chick is going to need help forever!! And getting disability for ADD?? WTF again, come on here - disability, really??? I believe in disability for those who truly need it, my brother is on disability because he is retarded and cannot hold a job (which btw the brilliant people at the government kept asking us monthly for months on end to prove he hasn't miraculously recovered, dude he's retarded and has been since his blessed little noodle was attacked by a virus, not gonna change now!!)

And octo - wacko saying she'll be able to care for all these kids?? !!!! DELUSIONAL. People have a tough time caring for 2 or 3 when they work full time and Octo Wacko isn't going to have problem caring for 14 and working??? Come the hell on here. Who does she think she's fooling???

OCTO - CRAZY I tell ya!!!