4 weeks ago
Friday, March 20, 2009
Before my grandfather passed I was charged with keeping his check book. Not the smartest choice for you Gramps, I stated. I haven't balanced my own checkbook in (and this is embarrassing) in over 8 years. I do balance my business checking account but the accounting software is almost idiot proof. Well, almost. I have been known to make a few errors.
Grandpa did his accounting the old school way: a tin box that had the following in it - a calculator that could have easily been from the 1950's, a pen from roughly the same time period, tape, envelopes, checks. He never counted cents, he has, he told me for a very long long time, rounded up or down to the nearest dollar. Huh? What kind of system is this? He said "it's my book and that's how we do it." Okey dookey, you say so.
I did it his way and I must admit it's a heck of a lot easier rounding up or down, until the statement comes. Now I'm a person, I like to know to the penny what I have, with his system you just make sure the check cleared for about the correct amount. It was a disaster. I gave myself an ulcer worrying if it was close enough and what if and how come and, and, and....... so on and so on.
Finally I chucked his system, and found out his way was a good way to save yourself money. He was off my a large amount, in his favor, so he had an automatic emergency fund. Who knew.... geez gramps was smart!
Anyway, now that he's passed I am paying all the final bills and what not. He had many bills paid by direct debit right out of his account. Have you ever tried to stop one of those? Have you ever tried to stop one when the account holder is dead? Good Luck, and I mean that whole hearted, good luck.
1st of all you're not on the account, so they don't want to talk to you, 2nd of all they don't care if the account holder is dead, 3rd of all until you tell them they will not be receiving a dime, they will not even entertain the thought of giving you any information and finally when you state you need to stop a direct debit, the wheels fall off the train. See my convo below, I've embellished a bit because without the ability to give voice tone on this blog, you can't really fathom the stupidity:
Me - I need to stop the direct debit payment portion on the account
Them - We have to speak with the account holder to do that
Me - As I explained he passed away in mid feb.
Them - I understand that ma'am, but we must speak with him in order to make changes
Me- He's dead, do you propose we hold seance to reach him?
Them - Ma'am it's up to you how you reach him, but we must speak with him to make changes on the account
Me- I don't think you understand me (I am still calm by the way, shocking I know), he...... is..... dead.... as in not breathing, not eating........ crispy crittered..... cremated.....you know..... dead?
Them- I understand he's dead ma'am however we cannot make any changes without speaking with him.
Me- Would a death certificate be sufficient?
Them- Sure, however he must present it in person, so it would be best if you could just have him call us
Me- are you really this stupid, really? He's dead, he can't possible show up in person anywhere because he's burned into ashes and placed in an urn next to his wife, whose also dead and their dead dog.
Them- there's no reason to get graphic ma'am, I understand he's dead, however in order to make changes we must speak with him
Me- I swear to god, you are the dumbest, most idiotic, retard I have ever spoken to in my life, and if you know my life you would know that makes you a HUGE retard- let me speak to your supervisor
Them- Ma'am we are not to spoken to in that manner
Me- How do you propose I speak to a jackass, who evidently is unable to understand dead means a person is incommunicado, dead means they are not on this earth any more, dead means dead, and your asking me to speak to a dead man means you are DUMB ASS, put your GD supervisor on the f'in phone.
Them - Supervisor blah blah here. I understand you are being abusive to my employee
Me - your employee wants me to put a dead man on the phone and demands that the dead man bring in his own death certificate, so yes I'm a bit annoyed
Them - I can understand your distress however we have our policies and as my employee told you the account holder must be present to make changes
Me- Fine the account holder is located at (and I gave them the address for the cemetery) Please send all correspondence there.
Them- Lovely, i have updated that address, we will send all further bills there. How long do you think it will take him to respond.
Me- Oh, um... he's dead and your sending the mail to a cemetery so he should respond extremely promptly for a dead man.
Them - oh wonderful. Thank you and Have a good day.
Me- you are a complete f'in moron, have a good day.
Now, i took some literally license, but that's the basics of it.
So after that debacle, I call the bank to see if I can stop the automatic debits that way. I am on the bank account so they had no trouble giving me any info. i asked if I can stop automatic debits. She says yes they place a hold on the account, but the account will be charge $30 each time one comes through and it's denied. I explain why i need to have the automatic debits not go through on the account and ask again, if there is any other option.
Them -I'm sorry ma am but no there's not.
Me- this is exactly why banks are failing, You guys suck. A man has died, the accounts he has automatically debited will not speak with me, because I'm not on those accounts, and your telling me it will cost $30 each time one is returned, correct?
Them- Yes that's correct, unfortunately there's nothing else I can do
Me - then close the account
Them - Oh we don't want to lose your business
Me- then stop the automatic debits without the $30 fee
Them - I'm sorry we can't do that
Me - Close the account
Them - then the auto debits will simply be returned and all those accounts will be left unpaid
Me- yep that's right, close the account
Them- I'm sorry I can't close the account without both people on the account consent
me- For the love of sweet baby jane - the other account holder is dead, can i bring in a death certificate?
Them- no, both people must appear in person
me- HE'S DEAD, DEAD DEAD DEAD, how do want me to bring him in? Shall I break into the cemetery have him dis- interned and then bring in the urn? HE'S DEAD.
Them- I'm sorry for your lose however we have our policies......
Then I hung up
This is why people go crazy, complete bat shit crazy, this is "going postal" material
I finally went to the back where a wonderful woman told me then can freeze the account so nothing can be debited from the account only deposits can be made. I then inquired about closing the account. She said only one account holder is needed and as long as I close the account with in 2 months of the persons death it's not a problem.
Hallelujah.
Grandpa did his accounting the old school way: a tin box that had the following in it - a calculator that could have easily been from the 1950's, a pen from roughly the same time period, tape, envelopes, checks. He never counted cents, he has, he told me for a very long long time, rounded up or down to the nearest dollar. Huh? What kind of system is this? He said "it's my book and that's how we do it." Okey dookey, you say so.
I did it his way and I must admit it's a heck of a lot easier rounding up or down, until the statement comes. Now I'm a person, I like to know to the penny what I have, with his system you just make sure the check cleared for about the correct amount. It was a disaster. I gave myself an ulcer worrying if it was close enough and what if and how come and, and, and....... so on and so on.
Finally I chucked his system, and found out his way was a good way to save yourself money. He was off my a large amount, in his favor, so he had an automatic emergency fund. Who knew.... geez gramps was smart!
Anyway, now that he's passed I am paying all the final bills and what not. He had many bills paid by direct debit right out of his account. Have you ever tried to stop one of those? Have you ever tried to stop one when the account holder is dead? Good Luck, and I mean that whole hearted, good luck.
1st of all you're not on the account, so they don't want to talk to you, 2nd of all they don't care if the account holder is dead, 3rd of all until you tell them they will not be receiving a dime, they will not even entertain the thought of giving you any information and finally when you state you need to stop a direct debit, the wheels fall off the train. See my convo below, I've embellished a bit because without the ability to give voice tone on this blog, you can't really fathom the stupidity:
Me - I need to stop the direct debit payment portion on the account
Them - We have to speak with the account holder to do that
Me - As I explained he passed away in mid feb.
Them - I understand that ma'am, but we must speak with him in order to make changes
Me- He's dead, do you propose we hold seance to reach him?
Them - Ma'am it's up to you how you reach him, but we must speak with him to make changes on the account
Me- I don't think you understand me (I am still calm by the way, shocking I know), he...... is..... dead.... as in not breathing, not eating........ crispy crittered..... cremated.....you know..... dead?
Them- I understand he's dead ma'am however we cannot make any changes without speaking with him.
Me- Would a death certificate be sufficient?
Them- Sure, however he must present it in person, so it would be best if you could just have him call us
Me- are you really this stupid, really? He's dead, he can't possible show up in person anywhere because he's burned into ashes and placed in an urn next to his wife, whose also dead and their dead dog.
Them- there's no reason to get graphic ma'am, I understand he's dead, however in order to make changes we must speak with him
Me- I swear to god, you are the dumbest, most idiotic, retard I have ever spoken to in my life, and if you know my life you would know that makes you a HUGE retard- let me speak to your supervisor
Them- Ma'am we are not to spoken to in that manner
Me- How do you propose I speak to a jackass, who evidently is unable to understand dead means a person is incommunicado, dead means they are not on this earth any more, dead means dead, and your asking me to speak to a dead man means you are DUMB ASS, put your GD supervisor on the f'in phone.
Them - Supervisor blah blah here. I understand you are being abusive to my employee
Me - your employee wants me to put a dead man on the phone and demands that the dead man bring in his own death certificate, so yes I'm a bit annoyed
Them - I can understand your distress however we have our policies and as my employee told you the account holder must be present to make changes
Me- Fine the account holder is located at (and I gave them the address for the cemetery) Please send all correspondence there.
Them- Lovely, i have updated that address, we will send all further bills there. How long do you think it will take him to respond.
Me- Oh, um... he's dead and your sending the mail to a cemetery so he should respond extremely promptly for a dead man.
Them - oh wonderful. Thank you and Have a good day.
Me- you are a complete f'in moron, have a good day.
Now, i took some literally license, but that's the basics of it.
So after that debacle, I call the bank to see if I can stop the automatic debits that way. I am on the bank account so they had no trouble giving me any info. i asked if I can stop automatic debits. She says yes they place a hold on the account, but the account will be charge $30 each time one comes through and it's denied. I explain why i need to have the automatic debits not go through on the account and ask again, if there is any other option.
Them -I'm sorry ma am but no there's not.
Me- this is exactly why banks are failing, You guys suck. A man has died, the accounts he has automatically debited will not speak with me, because I'm not on those accounts, and your telling me it will cost $30 each time one is returned, correct?
Them- Yes that's correct, unfortunately there's nothing else I can do
Me - then close the account
Them - Oh we don't want to lose your business
Me- then stop the automatic debits without the $30 fee
Them - I'm sorry we can't do that
Me - Close the account
Them - then the auto debits will simply be returned and all those accounts will be left unpaid
Me- yep that's right, close the account
Them- I'm sorry I can't close the account without both people on the account consent
me- For the love of sweet baby jane - the other account holder is dead, can i bring in a death certificate?
Them- no, both people must appear in person
me- HE'S DEAD, DEAD DEAD DEAD, how do want me to bring him in? Shall I break into the cemetery have him dis- interned and then bring in the urn? HE'S DEAD.
Them- I'm sorry for your lose however we have our policies......
Then I hung up
This is why people go crazy, complete bat shit crazy, this is "going postal" material
I finally went to the back where a wonderful woman told me then can freeze the account so nothing can be debited from the account only deposits can be made. I then inquired about closing the account. She said only one account holder is needed and as long as I close the account with in 2 months of the persons death it's not a problem.
Hallelujah.
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