1 month ago
Thursday, February 26, 2009
I walked into CancerGramps' house today, and I thought, This is a whole life. A whole life lived here and this is what's left. I'm not sure I am conveying that I mean,,..... I don't mean the stuff, the material items.... I mean the life, the laughter, the stories, the moments.... a whole life.
A whole life that is gone now. I have never before been hit so hard by death. I have had relatives pass, close relatives, but never before have I sat on the side of the road crying at a loss, or cried in bed at night etc.
Today we placed him in the "wall" (an area where people who have been cremated can have their own piece of the wall to be interned it) at the cemetery or the "cem" as CancerGramps and Buddha boy referred to it. Buddha Boy would always say "Gotta head to the Cem, see Grandma, talk with her and see Chad too." And CancerGramps would say, "Yep, gotta get to it." and they were off to the "cem."
I always ask Buddha Boy if Grandma ever said anything, he always says no, she's busy. And why they visited Chad I have no idea. Chad was not known by our family, he was a young boy who died and was buried in a small enclosure of his own. CancerGramps and Buddha Boy visited him religiously.
On the way to the cem, i was driving, and a person in front of me was taking their sweet arse time changing lanes and I said "in homage to grandpa, move it along crip." My husband laughed and asked what "crip" was. It was a reference to the handicap sticker the person possessed, grandpa always called it a "crip stick." He always stated he never wanted "one of those crip sticks," no matter how frail he had gotten. My husband was laughing and saying it was such a horrible thing to say, but he could see him saying that.
We got to the cem and my father and mother were walking out with the urn and I started laughing and crying at the same time. Dad was carrying the urn much like a football, cradled safely yet inordinately exposed. And was wondering if cancergramps dog was in the urn. His 14 year old miniature poodle's health declined just as Cancergramps did. I understand it is expressly forbidden to place animal remains with humans (which I don't get ashes are ashes right, and if you want to be buried with your pet ...... whatever). My Dad can be sneaky like that, shifty, slight of hand to put them together. He says he didn't, put them together, and I believe him but I have my suspicions as to whether or not she got her own little box and hidden behind grandma when the cem man wasn't looking.
Grandpa wanted no service, and we honored that, my father placed the urn in the wall next to the BOX my grandmother, to whom my grandpa had been with since he was 20 years old to the day she died in 2001. And my Dad stopped cold. He said if he had known grandpa went cheap on grandma he would have just gotten a box instead of the fancy urn. He started to laugh and we recalled how it took grandpa forever to get ready, and how he would have liked to have one up on Grandma. Here he was in a fancy urn and he got her a simple black box. We talked about how grandpa lived and loved life. There were very few tears. I was just as grandpa would have wanted.
I found a poem that I felt fit what I believe grandpa would have said when he passed, but we didn't read it, perhaps I'll post it here one day.
And life goes on... one foot and then another..... It just keeps going on.
A whole life that is gone now. I have never before been hit so hard by death. I have had relatives pass, close relatives, but never before have I sat on the side of the road crying at a loss, or cried in bed at night etc.
Today we placed him in the "wall" (an area where people who have been cremated can have their own piece of the wall to be interned it) at the cemetery or the "cem" as CancerGramps and Buddha boy referred to it. Buddha Boy would always say "Gotta head to the Cem, see Grandma, talk with her and see Chad too." And CancerGramps would say, "Yep, gotta get to it." and they were off to the "cem."
I always ask Buddha Boy if Grandma ever said anything, he always says no, she's busy. And why they visited Chad I have no idea. Chad was not known by our family, he was a young boy who died and was buried in a small enclosure of his own. CancerGramps and Buddha Boy visited him religiously.
On the way to the cem, i was driving, and a person in front of me was taking their sweet arse time changing lanes and I said "in homage to grandpa, move it along crip." My husband laughed and asked what "crip" was. It was a reference to the handicap sticker the person possessed, grandpa always called it a "crip stick." He always stated he never wanted "one of those crip sticks," no matter how frail he had gotten. My husband was laughing and saying it was such a horrible thing to say, but he could see him saying that.
We got to the cem and my father and mother were walking out with the urn and I started laughing and crying at the same time. Dad was carrying the urn much like a football, cradled safely yet inordinately exposed. And was wondering if cancergramps dog was in the urn. His 14 year old miniature poodle's health declined just as Cancergramps did. I understand it is expressly forbidden to place animal remains with humans (which I don't get ashes are ashes right, and if you want to be buried with your pet ...... whatever). My Dad can be sneaky like that, shifty, slight of hand to put them together. He says he didn't, put them together, and I believe him but I have my suspicions as to whether or not she got her own little box and hidden behind grandma when the cem man wasn't looking.
Grandpa wanted no service, and we honored that, my father placed the urn in the wall next to the BOX my grandmother, to whom my grandpa had been with since he was 20 years old to the day she died in 2001. And my Dad stopped cold. He said if he had known grandpa went cheap on grandma he would have just gotten a box instead of the fancy urn. He started to laugh and we recalled how it took grandpa forever to get ready, and how he would have liked to have one up on Grandma. Here he was in a fancy urn and he got her a simple black box. We talked about how grandpa lived and loved life. There were very few tears. I was just as grandpa would have wanted.
I found a poem that I felt fit what I believe grandpa would have said when he passed, but we didn't read it, perhaps I'll post it here one day.
And life goes on... one foot and then another..... It just keeps going on.
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